Losing a romantic partner is painful, but losing someone who embodied
many things at once is the worst. I lost my partner. I lost a friend. I
lost my family. I lost my home.
I never imagined I would meet someone who could fill the void of all
those losses. But I did meet her. And then, I lost her. I regret meeting
her, though. It would have been better if I had never known what it felt
like to have a home. It would have been better to remain sleepless,
restless, rootless—empty.
How can one sleep after losing the only person who ever made them sleep
deeply? How can one be whole again when the only time they felt whole
was with that person? How can one belong anywhere after being cast out
from the only home they ever knew? Nothing soothes my loneliness.
Nothing heals the open wound that bleeds every day.
When people inflict physical harm, they face punishment—by law or by
those they hurt. But how do you seek justice against someone who killed
your soul? How do you reclaim the hopes you lost? How do you find the
will to move forward when you are trapped in a world haunted by their
ghost?
I know that one day, you will read this. Here I am, writing this in a
public space—a place that will remain long after I’m gone. One day, many
will read it. My family will. Maybe even my children, if I ever have
any. You shattered my life. You shattered my soul. You destroyed
everything I spent years building. Why did you love me if you were just
going to leave? You left so easily, yet you pretend you didn’t. You
didn’t care what would become of me. You only cared about your own needs
and desires. You reduced me to the title of our relationship. And the
moment that title ceased to exist, you went to another man’s arms
without a second thought about what you left behind.
You left me hanging between life and death, wishing to end it all, yet
unable to because of my family. Do you even understand what it’s like to
live like this? To force myself every single day to do the bare minimum,
after I fought through the impossible to get here? You betrayed me. The
worst betrayal. And the cruelest part?
You are the only one who could ever fix it.